A VIEW FROM THE COUCH

Someone please give John Madden a New York Post, Daily News, Times or Newsday from the past week before he calls a Giants game.  Or a copy of Tiki Barber’s book.  Or the Cliff Notes version of any of the above.  After Brandon Jacobs left the Giants-Cowboys game, Madden ’07 and Al Michaels welcomed the Former-Fumbler in for his post-game analysis. 

Attention Dick Ebersol, in the words of Miss Teen South Carolina “It is my belief…”

I’m pretty sure Ronde’s brother is quite capable of discussing a topic beyond the New York Giants.  But, I digress. 

Mr. Horse Trailer’s line of questioning surrounded Tiki possibly coming back out of retirement to play for the Giants.  Tiki’s initial response was that this wasn’t an option.  Mr. Outback Cruiser followed up with a similar question and Tiki basically said “No.”  Mr. Tenactin said if he ran the Giants, he would call. 

When Tiki said he would let them know if anyone called, Madden exploded with a response similar to Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber when Lauren Holly said it was one in a million chance she would be with him.  The response was an excited “So, you’re saying there’s a chance!” 

Tiki did his best to not embarass his colleague by saying “Have you read my book where I said Tom Coughlin stole the joy out of the game for me and drove me into retirement?” 

“Did you see where I questioned Eli’s leadership ability?”  Obviously, Madden isn’t being paid to shill ” Tiki: My Life in the Game and Beyond.”

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL  

Please give Mike Tirico hazard pay. During a critical official review of a potential turnover with some debate on whether the Bengals actually came up with an interception while falling on the ground, Tony K. and Jaws were discussing the play calling for the second time.  Tirico actually had to say to his on-air partners “Guys, let’s focus on the replay.”  Nice job Mike, we know it can’t be easy.

MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL II III  (way to fondle your junk coach)

It was Mike (Greenberg), Mike (Golic) and Mike (Ditka) but they seemed to be a few mics short. The game was filled with poor audio quality from the booth and I’m not just talking about Golic’s analysis. 

1. Hey, I get that Arnaz Battle went to Notre Dame, thanks for telling me….once. 

2. Greeny struggled, once saying a pass to the flat inside the 10 went to nobody, when clearly it was simply thrown over the head of the receiver. 

3. On a punt return, he said the returner had a lot of room to run, only to see him swallowed up upon the catch. 

4. He even, boy was this predictable, made a “She might change her name to Mike” joke when welcoming in Bonnie Bernstein.

PETER KING – MASTER OF THE OBVIOUS

Going out on a shaky limb, Peter King writes in this week’s MMQB “I can promise you they (The Pats) won’t make (Randy) Moss a 1,700 yard, 21-TD guy.” 

Wow.  Really? 

You’re predicting that the 30-year old coming off a wasted season won’t have arguably the greatest season ever by a wide receiver?  WOW!  According to the fine folks at profootball-reference.com, Only three WRs have eclipsed the 1,700 yard receiving mark since 1962.  Jerry Rice and Isaac Bruce in 1995 (with 15 and 13 TDs, respectively) and Marvin Harrison in 2002 (with 11-TDs).  In that same time span, Rice has the best ever receiving TD season with 22, in 1987. 

I’m waiting for a few other gems like: 

“Despite being on pace after one game, Tony Romo won’t throw for 5,520 yards and 64 TDs this season.  Write it down.  Now grab a latte.”

EIGHT IS ENOUGH 

1) Chris Berman needs to skip the Bacon Lover (check out the video of fatass pitching for Dunkin Donuts).

2) Someone should find a place for Erin Andrews on NFL broadcasts.

3) Bob Costas continues to think he’s funny and he’s just not.  Please stick to Costas NOW and the Olympics.

4) Only 73 days before we get the pleasure of hearing Bryant Gumble call the Colts-Falcons game on NFL Network.

5) Boomer “I’m trying to have more jobs than Ryan Seacrest” Esiason threw a nice jab at new analyst Bill Cowher when he said Big Ben now will be able to play for a coach that trusts him. Good stuff Boomer. You and JB make the CBS Pre-Game show worth watching.

6) Romeo Crennel.  What can I say?  Talk about not being ready for Week One. Forget the QB situation. The Browns actually committed four separate penalties on one play. And botched the snap on the punt attempt on that play.  If NFL rules allowed the Steelers to accept all four penalties, the ensuing punt would’ve been spotted from Big Ben’s backyard in Findlay, OH.

7) DIRECTV does it again. With approximately a minute to play in the Packers-Eagles game that was coming down to the wire, I didn’t mark the exact time since I threw my remote through my sliding glass door, my local FOX affiliate switched to the roll-in for the San Diego-Chicago game.  Granted, I live in the home area of one of those two teams.  No problem, I spent my money on the NFL package to get ALL of the games. I just need to switch to the HD Channel that I pay for so I don’t miss this exciting conclusion. No luck. That channel is blacked out because my local FOX affiliate had been carrying the game.  So, I am shut out on the channel I pay for and I get exciting pre-game footage of Rex Grossman warming up. I miss the end of the game which apparently had some drama.  I can’t chronicle it because I didn’t see it. Thanks for nothing.

8) All the best to Kevin Everett and his family.

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