kimbo3.jpgSaturday night, Kimbo Slice did what EVERYONE except the Showtime announce team knew he would do, destroy Tank Abbott.

It was a sour ending to what was a pretty solid TV card. Yves Edwards, Scott Smith and Brett Rogers all turned in exciting stoppages.

Antonio Silva appeared sluggish in his win over former UFC champ Ricco Rodriguez. My theory is that he was nauseated from looking at Ricco’s embarassing flabby belly.  

Tank and the announce team wiped away much of what was fun about this card. Sadly, Abbott was even more out of shape than I thought he’d be. He also looked like he hadn’t trained in years. Abbott, 42, has always had a bad body but his gut was gigantic. 263 pounds at 6-foot, is hard to swallow.

Elite XC was smart to hold the fight in South Florida. It’s likely that the Nevada Athletic Commission would’ve denied Tank’s request for a license.

Abbott’s hands were slow. Slice could see Abbott’s meager blows coming from a mile away. His lack of work in the gym and blubbery physique also had him off balance all night long.

elitexctank-002.jpgI understand Gary Shaw’s grand plan. Make some money off Kimbo and build his name, but you have to put him in with an active fighter who poses some threat the next time around. The broadcast team mentioned Kimbo’s tour of the MMA Senior Division may continue next with 44-year old Ken Shamrock.

Kimbo proved little in this fight.

The “clash of street brawling titans” was made more annoying by Showtime announcer Ranallo. After listening to his cheesy lines, you’d think Kimbo was Mike Tyson in 1989 or that this fight was the equivalent of Hagler-Hearns. I understand the guys are announcing for the masses but you don’t have to treat us like we’re blind idiots.

Here are some of the more ridiculous/corny lines uttered by Ranallo and his partner Stephen Quadros:  

“Kimbo is ready to prove he belongs among the elite. Miami is a land of hopes realized, where dreams come true.”

“The fight everyone is talking about.” 

“Tank Abbott is more public enemy than Flavor Flav.”

“Tank is looking to rain on Kimbo Slice’s Sunshine State parade.”

“The Bank United Center is shaking down to its foundation. This is the type of tension you can’t cut with a knife. You need a blowtorch. It is absolutely volcanic.”

“Kimbo calls himself a bear, a lion…he’s out to prove he has more game than a wildlife preserve.”

“The question in many people’s mind… which Tank will we see tonight?” (ABBOTT WAS 1-7 IN HIS LAST EIGHT FIGHTS WITH ONE WIN SINCE 1998)

“There have been many critics of Kimbo Slice coming into mixed martial arts. I think those critics have been silenced by the sea of humanity here.”

“Tonight here in Miami, Kimbo Slice proves he’s the big man on campus.”

“Kimbo Slice legitimizes himself as a mixed martial artist. Watch out heavyweight division.”


“An in shape Tank Abbott is really dangerous. Well, he’s in shape tonight.”

This is what Tank could do 12 years ago. It could’ve been a great fight when Kimbo was 22.

Explore posts in the same categories: Boxing, MMA, UFC


  1. SteveXtreme Says:

    I agree 1000% with your comments and definitely the headline. I wish i could turn the entire broadcast Spanish, that would be more entertaining and informative to listen to than the bullsh*t they were spewing, (and i don’t speak Spanish.) Kimbo won’t last too many more fights against Top 20 guys with any kind of ground game. Just my opinion. Way to keep it real Mr. Cofield!

  2. FoolE Says:

    “Which Tank will show up, the Sherman or the septic?” That is a good line, whether you like it or not.

  3. […] if you don’t beleive him, Steve Cofield has taken the time to write out some of the dumber shit Renallo spouted off during the broadcast. And he actually missed quite a few of the most […]

  4. Joey Says:

    I think they had to have this fight with tank to build kimbo a name with the common fan even my girl knows who tank is and thought him to be a badass cause he was on friends but now they have to get real put him in there with legit guys and he might win a few with a flash ko but I won’t hold my breath on him being a real force

  5. supercrap Says:

    Damn I miss Jeff Blatnick commentating…

  6. […] blasted the Elite XC main event but stayed away from trashing Kimbo. He doesn’t decide who is put in front of […]

  7. Kimbo Slice Says:

    LOL, I know, those lines were obtuse. I didn’t realize that was Mauro Ranallo until I just searched on Google and found this. My favorite part was “AND THIS ONE, IS OVER not YET!” when the ref called a time-out. The whole thing was so unprofessional.

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